I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
