im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
