bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
