do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
