she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
