Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize