My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't deserve a penis
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
