I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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