Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
