come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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