I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize