bring money and cleavage
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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