There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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