If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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