i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
