The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
