one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
