I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
