The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Actions speak louder than pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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