wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
