I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
