I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
