I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
