Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
