a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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