I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
