she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
