i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
