Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize