even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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