The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
