When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
