Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
