weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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