i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
