Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
