well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am naked and annoyed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
