My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
