Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
