He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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