I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
