He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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