I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
