So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
