would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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