if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
