dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
