my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
