The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
