I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
