I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
