I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize