I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
