he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize