Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
