Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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