problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
