Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
