The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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