Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
