it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
