i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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