I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
