Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
