You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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