Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
